Wednesday, September 06, 2006
9/06/2006 05:56:00 PM Y
Post title :
♥ -reality check!-
heyy..
today was a rather bad day as usual...
after DNT class and art project, i looked forward to coming for band.. i actually did want to go for band.. but now... not anymore..
when i first came into band in sec 1.. i thought it was a cool thing where i can learn many other things tht a normal band doesn.. and i did.. soon i learned about respect and from then band was like a second home to me where i can express myself and could have all the fun..
but now.. i don't feel tht anymore.. coming for band is like just going to school for lessons and coming back home.. no different from any other ccas..
and im sorry tht i am not up to your standard. im really sorry tht i can't do it. but one thing i can tell u is tht i tried my best. i did make several sacrifices ever since i got this post. but it nvr pays off.. it nvr once did..
can't u just accept the fact tht im only a sec 2 student. and not only tht.. u asked me to improvise with watever shit.. other conductresses did not do tht. so wad makes u think i can? i know its a small piece and everyone can play it.. just this piece of song already gave me soooo much stress and troubles.. wad more else can i do? i am so much more worse than all the other conductresses. so pls.. i tried my very best getting those ppl to listen to me.. but they nvr did..
whenever u leave the room or go look or the seniors or wadever.. the music room will be a jungle.. obviously they would be guai when u are here... act like some angel..
im begging u.. at least give me some respect.. i gave u all a break... and then after tht i asked u all to continue.. and some said tht it was already 4 so mr j would not come in to check on the piece again.. i tried to get them to play but they just wouldn..
and wad happen? he actually wanted to hear the piece. infront of all the seniors.. i knew it was going to happen. and before tht i was teaching them the roll at the last part and so on.. and they screwed tht part.
and when the seniors clap he was like.. 'don't clap.. they don't deserve it..' come on.. im sry tht it is not up to ur freaking high standard but at least give us some credit.. i know im not good enough.. especially u.. and i have a feeling tht some of the band members don't really want me as a conductress.. u think i want it too? of course not..
i did not expect it to be tht bad..
now everytime i come home.. i don't feel a sense of satisfaction.. i feel tht i have let the band down.. and its all my fault..
sometimes i really wonder why i became junior conductress.. it was actually someone else.. then why did they switch and give me the post?
i really tried my best.. tht is all i can say.
and im sry if im not even up to your average standard.
